GabyMy Dear Son
Sweetheart, I want you to know and always remember that I love you. I love you with all my heart. Every day I thank God for giving me such a great gift – you. I am grateful to Him for letting me experience such a beautiful feeling – a mother’s love. And you know, since you came into my life, I’ve started to love people more. I’ve realized that for God we are all His beloved children and that He wants the best for us. But each of us has our own path in life. We live in different parts of the world, in different families, and around different people. Yet He has given us one thing in common – the right to choose. Every person is constantly making choices: what kind of person do they want to be?
God gave us only ten commandments, not a hundred, not a thousand, but just ten. And He said, “Follow them, and you will be saved.” How difficult that turns out to be! I break those ten commandments day by day. And it frightens me…
Over the past two years I haven’t become less sinful, but I have started to live more consciously. I try to steer my life instead of letting it steer me. The Lord has given me a gift – a heart with no room for anger or hatred. He has taught me to forgive; He has taught me to hear Him. During this time I’ve understood so much, even though no one taught me. This understanding came on its own, and that makes living even scarier.
When you know the price you will pay for each of your actions, when you break the commandments step by step and realize your own sinfulness, it makes you want to cry. You begin to understand how deeply you must be loved to be forgiven for all of this. And you start to pray: “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner!”
Sweetheart, I love you so much and want you to understand that the worse you behave in life, the more it will hurt my heart. But I will never love you any less. It breaks my heart and fills me with sorrow for you, because we only have one life, and you never know when it will end. You can still make amends and repent here – but perhaps not there…
Perhaps when you grow up you will understand all of this. Maybe you already understand it much better than I do. But the most important thing is that I pray for you every day: “Lord, always be with my child Alexey, and he will be with You. Amen.”
Mom, 09/27/2001 (Alexey is 1 year old)
Iren
