Gaby
A couple of years ago, I read an excellent book: “The Joy of Parenting: How to Raise Without Punishment”. It was dense, and I didn’t get through it on my first try. But one piece of advice stuck with me. It was simple: when a child is misbehaving, not listening, doing something wrong, or driving you up the wall—and you’re about to yell or even hit them—pause and ask yourself: “What do I want to teach my child in this situation?” What exactly am I trying to achieve? Do I want to humiliate my child, show how wrong they are, and prove that I’m right? Or do I want to improve our relationship and help my child understand that their actions aren’t the choices I want to see from them?
Those two goals call for completely different approaches. In the first case, you might yell, vent your frustrations, humiliate, or even hit them—and while you might succeed in making your child dislike you, it won’t fix the behavior. But if you decide you want to teach and explain something to your child instead of lashing out, your actions will change—and the child will respond very differently. Try it.
And one more thing: when a child is really getting on your nerves, it often means you haven’t spent enough time with them. It doesn’t mean they’re bad or unworthy. Kneel down to their level, look them in the eyes, and say honestly, “I’m so tired. I’m sorry I haven’t spent much time with you lately. I love you very much.” In many cases, that alone will ease the situation.
