Divorce is never easy, but social media makes it even more complicated. Just when you think you’ve closed the chapter on your relationship and promised yourself never to look back, you find yourself engaging in unexpected self-destructive behaviors.
With the rise of social networks, letting go of someone has become harder than ever. After all, there are friends and friends of friends who regularly post pictures of your ex on their feeds.
Suddenly, you see your ex radiating joy instead of sadness. And if a new partner has “appeared” by their side, you quickly find out everything about them. Such revelations can be incredibly painful.
So should you stop following them even if it breaks your heart? Psychologists say it’s not that simple. Certain chemical reactions in your brain involving serotonin, oxytocin, testosterone, estrogen, dopamine, and other neurochemicals help explain why you act this way.
Magnetic resonance imaging has repeatedly shown that love can even change the structure of brain areas involved in processing sensory and emotional information — especially regions tied to the reward of being with someone, Newsweek reported.
What Lies Behind Love Addiction
Talking about love in terms of chemical reactions isn’t very romantic, says Brian D. Erp, a senior research fellow in moral psychology at the University of Oxford. But it is what it is. Love is an addiction.
This addiction shows up as an obsessive desire to reconnect with the person and to have sex with them — the pursuit of a reward. This uncontrollable urge “takes over” the brain and drives you to pursue your former partner.
According to Brian D. Erp, losing the object of your passion can lead to feelings of pain and alienation. It has much in common with the withdrawal people feel when they stop using certain substances.
As Brian D. Erp has shown, there are many reasons people seek information about their exes’ lives and activities after a breakup. You miss their presence and crave something like a replacement for the “old high” you once shared together.
In other words, you’re still under the influence of those feel-good hormones that make love so powerful, even if the thought of your ex causes you actual physical pain.
Create Digital, Psychological, and Emotional Distance
Christopher Carpenter, a communication professor at Western Illinois University, says stalking your ex is a bad idea. It not only blocks closure on the relationship but also prevents you from moving forward.
Professor Carpenter’s 2020 study showed that it doesn’t matter who initiated the breakup. In any case, staying connected on social media with your former partner is an unwise decision. Resisting the temptation to check your ex’s Instagram is tough, but Professor Carpenter urges you to avoid that self-destructive behavior.
The researcher’s main advice is to see as little of your ex on social media as possible. Remove them from your friends list and consider unfollowing mutual friends. Delete their phone number from your contacts. Create digital, physical, psychological, and emotional distance between yourself and anything that reminds you of them.
It also helps to periodically recall the unpleasant, unhealthy moments of your relationship that made the breakup necessary.
Surround yourself with friends and family, and let time do its work.
