Don’t put off pleasure until the last possible minute. Remember whatever thrills you, and make an effort to feel that joy again. Any day can become a happy day if you value what brings you joy right now.
Stop Saving “Guest Slippers” for Later
After a neighbor buried her lonely relative, the neighbor was shocked by what she found in the woman’s drawer: the chests held a stash of brand-new underwear, clothes, and shoes that the woman had never used. People always saw the woman dressed plainly; she slept on a holey sheet under a stitched blanket, used old towels, and left her torn slippers by the bed. She kept sets of new bath linens, bedding, “guest slippers,” expensive dishes, and nice items with tags tucked away “for a special occasion.”
Open that fancy tea from your “untouchable stash” right now and enjoy it yourself—don’t wait for a reason. Wear the stylish trench coat that’s been waiting in your closet for better weather—take it out in today’s rain. Take the new rug and the mood-boosting blinds off the shelf: their place is on the floor and at the window, not piled in a junk-filled closet. Tomorrow may never come—don’t pass up the chance for pleasure today.
Putting Happiness on Hold
Like a brand-new outfit with the tag still on, we often shove potential happiness into the back corner “for better times” and treat it as something untried. Not seeing a “reason” in present circumstances, we plan to prepare the ground first: to get rich, find a job, or fix our personal life.
Don’t let your life depend on circumstances if you want to avoid the fate of a pitiable literary character. Remember the story about the man who pinched pennies his whole life while dreaming of growing gooseberries on his estate? When his dream finally came true, he died and never enjoyed the happiness he had postponed. Don’t let his best days slip away while you wait for a better life.
Realistic Expectations
Researchers at University College London ran an experiment that split participants into two groups and asked them to play for money. One group received a small guaranteed win in each round; the other group risked winning nothing or taking a double payout. Brain MRIs showed that predictability and routine made people indifferent to windfalls, while risk and excitement increased the perceived value of gains. Only those participants who both got lucky and were willing to risk losing experienced a real spike in happiness.
The study’s takeaway: the easiest path to feeling happy is to lower your entitlement threshold. A person who expected less than they received felt happier than someone whose success was predictable. When you expect the future, the critical skill is a sober assessment of your own capabilities.
The Secret Formula
Excessive expectations from spouses and children not only rob a family of happiness but also triple the family members’ risk of dying from chronic . Family conflicts and constant relationship fights increase the chances of premature death through heart attacks and strokes.
Psychologists include a supportive family, engaging work, and realistic expectations in a universal recipe for happiness. Neither money nor perfect health is the decisive factor for life satisfaction. If 35-year-olds report being happy in 45% of cases, people aged 55–60 report happiness in 90% of cases. Researchers say that perceived well-being tends to rise as people learn more about themselves and reach psychological maturity with age.
Where Are Your Wings?
Personal growth in middle age happens less through active socializing and more through tuning your inner strings. Psychologists call work and care the “virtues of maturity.” Regarding employment, the key is not a lucrative business but work you love. The goal is not envious success but personal fulfillment: feeling socially useful and able to provide for yourself.
Happiness comes less from what happens in life and more from how we relate to it. You can generate a joyful outlook from within by learning to enjoy life’s variety regardless of objective circumstances. For happiness, inner peace and harmony with the world matter more than external achievements: balance among will, thought, and feeling, when those parts do not fight each other.
Creativity raises your emotional “vibrations.” In creative states we feel younger and experience awe. Psychologists point out that people often experience a surge of creative energy between ages 55 and 60. This is a time of self-discovery, moral growth, and acceptance of yourself, other people, and nature. Don’t miss the approach of old age—this period can become the best time in your life.
Psychologists have not only described this phenomenon but also investigated how it forms. Deep beliefs—often picked up in childhood—underpin the life-on-hold syndrome: the idea that joy must be earned, that you can postpone your needs, and that good things should be saved for special occasions. Cognitive-behavioral therapy and related approaches work with these beliefs: they teach people to recognize these patterns and gradually replace them with beliefs that allow living more fully today. Read the expert comment for more detail on the psychological mechanisms behind a postponed life.
Why We Put Life on Hold: A Psychologist Explains
Olena Rohachevska, psychologist (CBT, schema therapy, acceptance and commitment therapy).From a psychological point of view, the “life-on-hold” phenomenon has many different causes. For example, these beliefs can be at its root:
- “I must have something in reserve.” Don’t live for just one day; you need a reserve—for holidays, for a rainy day. These are instructions passed down through generations. If I use everything now, I won’t have anything later. This is how I look after my safety.
- “Joy must be earned.” I don’t have the right to regular joy. Joy is a reward, not a basic part of life.
- “My needs aren’t important.”strong> It doesn’t matter what I want; I can skimp on myself, I don’t need anything.
- “First I’ll achieve—then I’ll allow myself.” First I’ll accomplish something, and only after that will I permit myself pleasure.
What Happens to Us
As a result, the value of life shifts from the present to the future, as if everything important is still ahead and we are preparing for life instead of living it. An avoidance mechanism appears: postponement becomes a protective behavior that turns into a life rule.
But if we don’t allow ourselves to live now, the brain doesn’t practice living, and the avoidance pattern only strengthens. When life contains little actual living and little joy, mood drops and energy decreases.
What to Do About It
Retrain the brain to live in reality rather than in fantasies about the future.
First, become aware of how this “putting life on hold” affects you. How do you accept that life right now lacks fullness? If having a full life now matters to you, that realization can become motivation for change.
Then start gradually changing your behavior: allow yourself small daily pleasures, stop avoiding life, and tolerate the tension that comes with change. Expose yourself to life in small steps and watch how your taste for life and your energy return.
Reflection Exercise
Imagine yourself at age 90:
- What would you regret?
- What would you be grateful for?
- If you could change something, what would you change?
Read more advice from psychologist Olena Rohachevska on her FB, Instagram.
Photo: pexels.com
