To a Son
A small, fragile creature, yet already stronger than I am. He is destined to outlive me, to do what I couldn’t. And he will go where I haven’t been. He will love the one waiting for him. May the path of my fate not touch him. May he live in a way that leaves him with no regrets about things left undone. Life is full of obstacles and worries, and there’s no place for the inept. I want to believe in him so much! I want to know he will be the kind of person for whom everything in life is possible and who is never alone. Loneliness is the companion of those who are broken, weak, and who don’t want to live. But my son will be someone who can handle anything. I know he will succeed at everything; he will be able to open any door. Yes, I’m no actress, but I’ll try to be a director. Know this forever, my friend: you are loved, wanted, my light! And forgive me, my son. Please forgive me. For my existence.
7.11.1996
The day was fading. The sunset blazed. A bumblebee flew over the honeysuckle, surveying the sleepy garden, weary from the crazy days. The sunset glowed crimson. In this wondrous hour only a playful breeze fluttered timidly through the branches, almost invisible to the eye. The sunset grew dim. The roses dozed, lost in nightly dreams. Under the thin net of a spider’s web, the dahlias fell asleep in a group. The day was leaving. Nature is wise: she has no concern for our troubles; we’re free to wage our wars, cause destruction, and win our victories. She doesn’t think about us. …the day was fading. The sunset went out.
7.11.1996
Loneliness is the best healer for pain, doubts, and losses, for the insults the wind brings, for the hardships the blizzard takes away. Loneliness is the best doctor for a wounded, poor soul. But it is only prescribed, and only on certain days.
31.10.1996
Dedicated to Mom
Mom… For me, that word will always be filled with meaning. Who will ward off trouble and keep you warm, who will save you from misfortune, who will cover you with her hand, who will comfort you, hug you, and understand you? Mom… Who will always be with you in sorrow, in joy, in happiness, in hell, who will always find you interesting and who is more valuable than any friend? Mom… Who will help us through our falls, help us climb the steps to success, see us emerge victorious in battle, and explain life’s subtleties to us? Mom… In these moments I so want to sit with you for a little while, to hug you, to comfort you, and to look into your eyes for a long time. In your eyes are sleepless dark nights, the joy of meetings, waiting, and hopes. Our life finds its reflection there; our eternal race is mirrored. It is in moments like these that you fully understand your value. Thank you for everything, Mom. I give you my heart.
08.01.1996
