Carlos Solis
A team of psychologists at Cornell University says you shouldn’t be ashamed of your mistakes — you should laugh at them. When you laugh at your mistakes, people treat you better than when you act embarrassed.
When you stumble on the sidewalk or mispronounce someone’s name, you usually feel embarrassed. And that’s unnecessary. If you genuinely laugh at your own mistake, you’ll win people over.
How scientists tested whether laughing at yourself wins people over
The team ran a series of online experiments with more than 3,000 volunteers. The researchers asked participants to read about awkward situations that happened to people who, for example, walked into a glass door or accidentally greeted a stranger with a wave.
Then participants were asked to rate how the people (actors) reacted to those slip-ups. Overall, volunteers judged the people who laughed at their mistakes as friendlier, wiser, and more sincere than those who showed embarrassment.
“We found that people often overestimate how harshly others judge their minor social mistakes. For these harmless blunders, laughing at yourself can signal self-confidence, reduce tension, and show that the error was accidental,” said lead author Ovul Sezer.
In a paper published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, the authors explained: “When an awkward situation caused minimal or no harm to others, actors bolstered their reputations by showing amusement.”
Participants also noticed that in some cases the actors’ embarrassment was greater than the situation warranted.
But volunteers judged people’s reactions very differently when the mistake was serious. In one experiment, participants read a scenario describing someone who accidentally tripped and broke their arm. The volunteers saw laughing in that situation as inappropriate.
“Match your reaction to the seriousness of the mistake,” says Dr. Sezer.
The study confirmed that after making a social mistake people often feel a strong urge to show embarrassment. But humor and self-deprecation are more effective strategies for maintaining a good reputation.
Why humor and self-deprecation are powerful social tools
They strengthen a person’s reputation because:
- They help demonstrate confidence. When someone jokes about themselves, they show that their self-esteem doesn’t depend on others’ opinions. That’s a sign of strength, not weakness.
- They defuse tension. A witty comment in an awkward moment lowers the tension and makes someone a more pleasant conversational partner.
- They create a humanizing effect. Admitting your mistakes with self-deprecating humor elicits sympathy from others and brings people closer.
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